No, wait. That's NOT what makes me an awesome MOTY (Mother of the Year for those of you who could not figure out the acronym) candidate. Here's a little story.
So I decided last week during the 95 degree heat to let Ella invite a friend over (long time blog readers may remember Reagan) to hang out. I had big aspirations for MOTY. Big. Huge.
We went to Olentangy Caverns and things were so lovely. As a side note, kids under 7 are free so I only had to pay for myself which was $8 with my online 20% off coupon. The kids ran around for about 15 minutes before the tour started and had a great time once we were down below. They were so well behaved (Clearly I am an awesome Mom for having beaten them into submission for so many years. Disclaimer: Please do not turn me in to Children's Services. I jest about the beating...it was really the locking them in the closet without food or water that sealed the deal). A local news station reporter was at the Caverns and the reporter wanted to interview Luke about how much he loved the caverns. He declined her offer.
After the caverns, we drove to the Orange Township Pool. We had never been there before but I had many friends tell me that it was great and that I should take the kids there. We had to park pretty far away because it was super hot and there were tons of people there. The kids had their bathing suits on under their regular clothes and they helped carry their towels as we walked to the pool. We got up to the counter and I told the guy I had a 4 year old, a 5 year old, a 6 year old, and an adult. He asked if we were Orange Township residents. I told him no (cause my Mama taught me never to lie--clearly a MOTY candidate in her day).
Him: Ok, that will be $48.
Me: Uh, come again?
Him: $48 dollars
Me: Wow, I don't have that much on me. I only have $40. Let me run to the car and come back.
The kids ever so politely followed me back to the car carefully holding their towels so they didn't drag in the parking lot. I scrounged around in the car and found $4 to bring my total to $44 which was still not enough so I grabbed my debit card, too. We walked back to the entrance.
Me: Well, I couldn't find enough cash in my car so here's my debit card.
Him: We don't take that. Cash or check.
Me: You'll take my check but not a debit card?? Sorry kids. I guess we can't go to the pool today.
We walk away.
Kids looking longingly at the pool: It looked like a nice pool. Did you see all those slides?
Me: Yes, kids. Just keep walking and stop drooling.
Ella walking along some pine trees and pushing the branches out of her way: Hey, I just got stung.
Me not stopping as I'm walking along: What? You did not get stung, sweetie. If you got stung you would be crying and it would hurt a ton. I bet you just got poked by the pine needles.
Back in the car driving down the road......
Me: I am so sorry about the pool, you guys. I'm not sure where an ATM is around here to get more cash so let's just go and find another pool to swim in.
Ella: Hey Mom, look at my finger.
(At this point, she raises her finger which is now 2 times the normal size of a finger.)
Me: What happened to your finger?
Ella: I told you already. I got stung. See?
Insert shock and panic here. Aron is allergic to bees and had to take bee venom shots for about 10 years to build up a resistance to (hopefully) avoid another anaphylaxis episode like the one he had when he was 10.
I immediately jerk the car off the road and put my hazards on.
Me: SHOW ME YOUR FINGER! HOW IS YOUR BREATHING? HOW ARE YOUR LUNGS? CAN YOU BREATHE OK???
Ella (holding up her finger): I didn't get stung in the lungs, Mom. I got stung in the finger. See?
Me: BUT YOU CAN BREATHE OK?? YOUR BREATHING IS FINE? BREATHE AND SHOW ME!!
Ella: Stop yelling at me. Watch.
Me: Ok, you're fine. Next time, make sure I know that you were stung and I don't just blow you off again, ok? (Way to blame the victim, right?)
Me: Here, hold this 1/2 empty Taco Bell cup on your finger. It has ice in it and will help the swelling. Now if you could just lean forward a bit, sweetie, Mommy needs a little swig of diet coke. Thanks, Hon. Try not to melt all the ice with your hot, swollen finger. 'k thanks.
Aaaaaaaand, let the MOTY acceptance speech writing begin.
P.S. Orange Township Aquatic Center: Thanks for sucking the fun out of a day at the pool. You can take your $5 admission for "residents of Orange Township only" policy and shove it where the pool don't shine.